think_confidentiality

Life's good and bad. The oxymoron of lfe.

Recess week (holiday or study week???) had started. Woohoo!!!

This week was hell week, with 3 quizzes on alternating days and 1 assignment to hand in on friday. Midnights have been conquering my life and i have been labeled as a 'mugger' now - a mugger who don't know anything. Haha... After the last quiz on friday, which i feels satisfy about the marks but can be better, it's time to RELAX. Bought 3 shirts, cut/wash my hair and chill with army friends ...

Ytd, went out with my mum to make a coat and pants for my bro's wedding. It's until night time when i realised my relaxation is short-lived. I had to finish a phyics assignment due mon morning... wtf... And there's lab report to be submitted after recess week. Time to catch up on my work sia... Time really flies... After the submission of lab report, exam will be within a month time... wtf... No more time to play or relax liao.

Got to rush my assignment now... sianz...

Hi all, clearance sales ... ... hehe. was clearing my cupboard for shirts that i haven't wore for a long time and also since i bought a lot of shirts recently. Just wanted to sell these 3 shirts for $8 each. Will iron and packed nicely for delivery. Interested, tag me on my tagboard.

Shirt description:
Worn a few times. medium size.



Shirt description:
Worn only once which is very long ago. Medium size.



Shirt description:
The shirt wrote 'Large' but i find it relatively small. This shirt is actually my bro's. I don't see him wear this shirt that often since he got so many shirts. Unisex. If can't see the words on the shirt clearly, it wrote 'Anger is one word short of danger'.

Out of my crazy thoughts to watch movie, I attended a hour long physics lecture today. Problem is ... ... I din attend 2 hours of lectures in the afternoon ytd and here i am attending the one hour morning lecture. Haha... Of course, a lot of pple say me siao.

Went to watch 'Red Cliff 2' at cineleisure today. I would not say the show was fantastic but if you noe a brief history of the 'Romance of the three kingdom', i don't think its worth watching. Anyway, I lyk the effects.

Next, i went to the area ard the army market to dye my hair. Came across this hair salon with thai wording and rather cheap, so i ask for colouring and cutting ($35). In the end, there's dying, shampoo-ing (i typed showering initially and found out something is wrong), head massaging and cutting of hair... all for 35 bucks ... wtf ... Now, my hair is mahogany RED ... Just nice for chinese new year. haha.

After all tat, went to the army market and yet again, i bought a clothes for 12 bucks. More clothes coming up again, i guess. I came across this shop selling shoes and found a nice pair of white 'everlast' shoe for $45... wanted to buy it but the owner is an ah tiong uncle. To me, ah tiong uncle = liars. Not sure why. My sterotyping. I shall get rid of this sterotype sia but reality still hurts. Maybe i will buy from him after further consideration.

Going to hit midnight soon... shall go now. Goodbye.

Joke of the day...
Bicycle, lorry and bus, which vehicle will come in third?

Ans: Bus-third (bastard).

School has re-opened ... ... 4 more mths to exams and this holiday, a trip to batam ... woohoo ... must work harder this time round.

School started rather normal with the same old people, same lecture halls but this time with a new electives about filming. The lecturer is interesting but a bit gay-ish. But this is the first time i have so many 'what the fuck' in my mind when the lecturer talks about the course topic. Hope that the assignment and exams are not that difficult.

As for my core lecture, this time round, there is no 'ah tiong' lecturers...And most of the lecturers are ah moh ... To be honest, 'ah moh' lecturer has more sense of humor than 'ah tiong' lecturers who teach like we are dead.

Bought 2 shirts and berms at bugis ytd. I tink i bought a lot of clothing recently but that will not stop... hhaaa... I suddenly found an interest in buying cheap and nice clothes. This weekend, i shall dye my hair at a salon... did it once during the holidays by myself but it ends up in total failure. Any recommendation?

Napping time now...

Just for a laugh... ... Which insect is the most devoted?

Ans: Praying Mantis. Dun beat me when u see me ... ...

Welcome 2009! And gone with 2008. But the memories will always be remembered in my mind.

The day i ORD-ed. The work after my ORD. The NTU which i admitted to... ... it will all be in my mind.

The drinking days during and after my NS times. The playing and laughters in HSBC. The exchange of vulgarities and mugging period in NTU. All these happens because of my friends.

Christmas... Family celebration cum gift exchange. Woohoo... It's been a long time since we have such an event. Those days...reminiscing...wow...i can feel the spirit of festive. Den on the eve of christmas, received lotsa chocolate and gift from my colleagues.

New Year... First time spending new year in the MRT train... haha... I had this weird idea that someone would carry a radio into the MRT and blast the music to the max and everyone dance around in the MRT. When i came out of the MRT, I shouted Happy New Year and just nice, i managed to see the smoke of the fireworks... hhaa...

Last friday was my last day of work ... Luckily nvr got poled by my team. Hhee... And tmr will be 'back to school'. Haiz... 4 more mths to exam... mugging mania has revived. I am going to work harder this time round...

Pitfall, screwed up, fuck up, shit happens...wateva u name it.

Recess week in the middle of the semester is truly a bad thing for me. Though i managed to catch up on my tut and work, but work is hell piling up. Just completed one proj ytd and here comes another one. And to add on to my misery, there's a math quiz next week with the submission of my lab report this thur. wtf...

Talking about the proj i just completed with my grp, it's shitty. Not that i don't lyk grp work, it's just my grp. To be honest, i lyk grp work but not to the extent of this grp. First, silence is always hard to break. I have tried very hard to start a conversation going but no matter how hard i tried, there will be a long silence after lyk 2 or 3 sentences. Truly sad.

My grp members, one who hardly spoken more than 10 sentences in our discussion; one who has a mentality of individuality and try to get things done her way; the other 2 are okay. Worst thing, i am the only guy. Not that i don't lyk girls but in a proj grp of uneven gender distribution, it become so bias. Think of this way, if you are the only girl in the grp of guys, you would feel different. And these girls have been together for quite some time already. Wat abt me ? Just known them for less than 48 hours, and don't even noe their name until i went forward to them.

Talking about the girl with a sense of individuality, she is so tactical. Quiet and dangerous. Wateva points i gives, she rephrases it and made it her point. Worst still, she add on points tat i don't accede to. Den today, as a discussion for the next proj, she remains silent. Looking at her, i noe tat she got something in mind but don't wish to voice it out and remain quiet all the way. What can i say... Till now, guess her nationality (my grp is multi 'racialism' with girls from different countries...hhee).

Haizzz... Shall not tink abt it anymore, shld continue with my last min work (lab report). What a busy schedule.

The recess week is here. But I don't feel any mood at all. I failed to resist the temptation of watching anime, doing other stuffs rather than studying.

I feel that it's better for me to go back to school and study alone outside instead of staying at home with the temptation of playing. It's true that i have curb my intensive playing of my PSP after i completed "God of Wars".
But some sort of other, i feel weird staying at home studying.

However, when i wanted to go out and study, there will be some insecurity that i left out something at home which i needed for studying. Hence, a kind of confusion arises.

One philosophical saying from my friend, 'How can you be confused when u know you are confused.'

Now, i don't even know whether i am confused or not. All the work, all my goals and all my fun are intertwined with knots, waiting for me to untie it.

Will I be able to differentiate each and solve the mystery within myself. The worst enemy of all: myself.

I recently attended one talk on entrepreneurship and the speaker said that we all live in a subconciousness world and you have to realised what it is in order to wake up from your dream. A very interesting speaker.

I tink I should make a timetable for myself in order to know what is happening to me.

After been through army, den working life and now schooling, i feel completely stupid now.

I don't know wat made me feels stupid. Is it the 2 years of monotonously torturing army life or the way the school's lecturers and tutors convey their knowledge to us. I am not talking about every single one but mostly the foreign talents, esp the chinese.

They are indeed talented in a way tat they can get the status of an assistant professors or higher, or in anyway, higher than me. But what pissed me off is the way they taught in lectures and tutorials, as in their speech. They speak english, yup, but it doesn't sounds english nor singlish to not only me but many people. Den it started to trigger me why there are so few local lecturers. Are they in other fields of studies. I wondered.

But if you asked me, i would not be a teacher too.


My recess week has started officially... Hooray!!!

But tat means, i have to catch up on my tutorials, lab report (which i don't lyk the GL lecturer), project, reflective papers. How i wished exams are over.
Things to do after my exams:
1. Go on a holiday... any takers?
2. Work
3. Get my license before school terms starts

我累了。我真的累了。

事情一坡为平，一坡又起。

Everything started out fine except for some crappy data that we need to churn out. But all this is okay as long as there's no complains. Encik gives our team a meeting for update of what is happening in our team since he is taking over us in a few weeks time. It's rather pity for him that he has to take care of 2 branches and he is unknown of anything at all. But it's nice to have him around though.

Everything went well until at 5pm when boss came out and asked who is the one handling this unit. It's 5pm, a time where i thought i can go home peacefully on a Monday. I went into his office and he told me to tell him what happened. Fuck!!! Damm fuck up. Another complain case and it's the 3rd one in 2 weeks. I can't believe it. Depressing and pissed at myself.

Why is it that when people got approved for their case and they still complain. Fuck up. And for this case, it does not entirely concern me at all. It's just that he is under my unit and i am take charge of the unit. i didn't even see the case at the beginning. How it started, i also not sure. All i noe was how it ends.

The thoughts of AWOL-ing/ hurting myself starts to flood my mind. No matter how perseverance I am, the more i can't take it.

I may be smiling at times but my smile started to fade. I find my smile becoming fake. I just smile for the sake of smiling. That's what i feel on the train just now.
It's such an irony... i was telling my friend last month, that i smile to make other people happy and now i found my smile to be a fake. People feel happy, but i feel depressed. The paradox of life. You can be happy sad at the same time.

Life's bad for this week and for the following weeks though.

I got scolded twice in a week right in front of everyone. What the fuck!!! All just because of complains posted in the forum and as well as to some higher authority. Why am i the one/my team always suffer the complains and not the others from other teams. It's just too unfair.

Why are people scared to scold the higher authority instead of pushing the blame at us saying we (the small fry) are at wrong all the time? Aren't they supposed to get blame too since they took such a long time to make the decision. I meet the timeline for doing the cases and sending it to the decision maker for his approval. It's him who takes his time to reply back to us even though the system has been sending reminder to him to make decision. I am so fed up. Me get scolded and blame and the decision maker can sit down and relax in the office.

Now, my boss has a very bad impression of me, as of what i think, even though of what i did previously.

As of what my IC says, one wrong move you makes will alter the good image you create previously.

My friends also told me, the higher you goes, the greater you will fall. Now, i falls pretty hard and it's very hard to pick it up again.

Now, i am much of a comfort now after some thoughts and as well as my friends. It will be a long fight for peace for this month especially when the boss wants to see everything and every minor work processes so that we can cover our backsides. Stupidity is everything in my unit.